realize

honesty is the best policy:


friends- they leave you. take you for granted. don't care about you. lie to you. what's the point? you spend all your time looking for a group of best friends but it always ends up the same way. they use you and then they leave you. they are better than you, cooler than you... you're worthless. at least you have that 1 person, or those 2 people, that you know you can count on no matter what. then i guess that's all you need, right? well, i wish it was that simple.

family- i wish i had the perfect one. like in movies and tv, even like some people i know. i don't understand. why ask me what's wrong when you already know? you won't change. i'm just over it. (but i'm obviously not, nor will i ever be). i'm just lonely. everyone is so caught up in there own pathetic crap. i'm lonely. i hope it's not like this forever...

the holiday season- too short this year. i feel like it hasn't even come yet. maybe it's because it's just not the same anymore. i guess it's just me. i don't care about the presents or the money.. i just wish i had something special. love.

myself- i really don't know. i just want to get out of this stage. i want to be my own person, live my own life, and do things the way i want. i don't want the walls of my room to hold me in. i'm sick of it, i don't want this. i'm sick of my body, my face, my clothes, my hair, my everything. my insecurities are stopping me from living and loving. and it's killing me. and yet i can't find the time to change. i feel worthless and boring. i'm lazy and lonely. i act like i'm okay with it, but i'm not. then why don't i just change? well, i don't know.



have no fear for giving in
have no fear for getting older
you better know that in the end it's better to say too much
than never to say what you need to say again
- john mayer